I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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