I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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