Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
