omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
