I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
is it fun? or sober?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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