To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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