Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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