I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
The beer is more important than you right now.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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