Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
