I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The Olympian is in my bed
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
