Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
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