Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
