I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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