I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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