my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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