I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
