Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
