guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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