News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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