i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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