she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
