i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
