u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
