you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
