I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
