Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
it's great music for shaving your balls
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
