I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
