Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
