I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
