What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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