Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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