Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
