just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
