We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Randomize
