Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
