If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
