i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
