I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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