obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Alive.
So much puke
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
