textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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