We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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