I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
