My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
