you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
