let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Randomize
