I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
