I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
