i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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