and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
