I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
