I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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