Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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