Ambien. No doubt about it.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
dude. I can hear the air.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
