i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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